So, I forgot about pain. Time can do that to people. I was elated when I found a cabinet full of almost new shoes that I have forgotten about. In my excitement, I forgot why I banished them to the cool, dark shoe rack until I tried wearing a pair of heels to work today. 

Looking dark and lethal on me, I felt the image portrayed is that of a dark princess. It worked. For 5 minutes. Then I was limping and wondering how did I ever forget that this pair of shoes is as lethal as it looks! 

In that moment, I wondered. Perhaps physical pain is fleeting but emotional pain seems eternal. For after all that emotions turmoil that one goes through, you never forget. Not even when the pain is gone. And that, is the power of the unseen.

Quiet naggings chattered on in the background... "What are you doing here?" There's this naggy voice echoing in my head, popping up when I least expected. Just saw news of yet another natural disaster somewhere in the world... restlessness fidgets from within me. Sometimes, I really wonder...

Just received news regarding the demise of North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il. Ignorant of global affairs (the world is so huge!) and often lost in my own world, my interest on this (nuclear) power-seeking nation was piqued after reading the non-fiction book, "Nothing to Envy" by Barabara Demick.

The book was written based on several interviews with refugees from North Korea and presented an unimaginable landscape that gave its readers food for thought. There were many controversies and it would be accurate to say that this is a very sensitive domestic issue (that can duly affect the world).

In any ways, the death of Mr. Kim Yong Il brings several questions to mind. Who would be the next leader and could this be the start of a revolution for North Korea? Perhaps families can finally reunite after decades (since the Korean War). For better or worst, I hope this marks a better future for the Koreans.

Discomfort that plagued me for the whole morning had me popping 2 pills easily. From someone who used to dislike visiting the doc (even when im sick) and not taking medicine (even after visiting the doc at rare occasions), pill popping has become a regime for me.

I guess this is something that you taught me well.

Rambling....

A couple of weeks ago, my colleague told me something which struck me. She was preparing for a friend's wedding dinner and i could see her making a real effort in her dressing. She told me "dressing up is a form of respect to the couple". Yes, i think i have forgotten that, in my earnest spirit to avoid weddings (as best or whenever i could).

That being said, i attended an old school friend's wedding last night. For once (in a very long time since donkey ages) i took more effort in my appearance. It feels kinda weird, to be among old friends, some of whom we never meet since graduating from school and some of whom we only meet once in a blue moon at such wedding events. Yes, we have all grown. 1/2 of my classmates have already progressed to the next stage of their life and of course, it does intimidate people who are not ready yet (like me!).

Nontheless, i have to say my dear lucky star, dear friend looks ravishing on her wedding day. She's (WOW) beautiful. :) and i am sincerely happy for this couple. Maybe sometimes fairytale does comes true.

I wish the couple eternal bliss, love and harmony.

“A wealthy person is simply one who has more than he needs.” 

I came across the above quote while doing research for work and I really like it. The way that this quote was put across kinda lights up a bulb in people (or maybe it’s just me) but hey! Guess what? I’m a wealthy woman. 

I think I have more than what I need. Of course, I barely have enough of what I WANT but still, I’ll survive.  The thin line between Needs and Wants has always plague me and I constantly have to remind myself that most of what I come across and desire are simply “wants”. 

If a genie would grant you a million stars VS  a moon…which would you choose? Would you hesitate?

Addiction is a powerful chemical. It seeps into you silently and has the tendency to sneak up and rear it ugly head at you when you least expect. I remember when i got my first iphone last January. It was not the first choice i had in mind, but for some reasons or other, that's the phone i ended up with.

I fell in love with my iphone over time and i am not aware when it happened, but the addiction to my phone had me glued to it 24/7. Games and applications are a part of my daily routine. My favorite things to do were to take pictures on the iphone and write down my inner thoughts or feelings whenever inspiration strike.

Today though, all that are gone. I was at the Phuket Airport on my way back to Singapore and I dropped my phone at the baggage scanning machine. I'm pretty sure the staff took it, but they denied seeing such a phone. The most absurd thing is that there are no police or authorized staff in the entire airport that can make a lost report, one have to travel 15km away from the airport to file such a report with the local police. WHAT A JOKE, (although it was a cruel one).

I didnt, of course. BUT, that's not the point. The thing is, i feel this addiction now and i am having withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps the over-reliance on the phone is unhealthy and i can take the time now to relax, see back and enjoy life the basic way.

I hate to admit though, im feeling terribly discconected.  

Recently, there's a Taiwanese movie that is making a big hit in Asia. "You are the apple of my eyes" depicts a romance flick about a man's bittersweet memories of how he and his friends used to be in love and chasing after the same girl during their adolescence years.

What i really love about this movie is how funny and natural it was portrayed. A lot of friends told me that watching this movie brings back fond memories that they can relate to. For me, i supposed it was very entertaining. I tried to search for that kinda sentimental "feeling" but i guess it's just lost. But there was a scene when the male lead in a heroic act gave his textbook to the female lead and got punished instead. That reminded me of some memories... yes, we have all been very young.

Mayhaps we were once the apple of somebody's eye. Perhaps we once see someone as our apple. Even if it didnt worked out in the end, at least we have the memories. :)

I came across a song by Lisa Ono - "Sway it Hula Girl" from www.urbranmofo.com. I didn't realised it was by the bossa nova queen, Lisa Ono, until I asked the website owner. This song gives me the shivers. I like it but at the same time, it reminds me of time that i spent in my shop (that&n bsp;8 months). I used to play Lisa Ono's music in my shop and well, her style are mostly similiar. It brings back interesting memories. :)

Love the song. 

Sway It Hula Girl

Sway it hula girl, sway it all around,
Sway it side to side, then you dip way down
Hold your head up high, as you reach for the sky
As you sway side to side hula girl.

I have seen you dance, a long time ago,
To my favorite songs, so graceful as low
Every movement you make is an artist's delight,
As you paint your songs to your dance

Do the hula kui and the cha cha cha
The slow ami oni e,
Glide like the gulls over the Ko'olau
Oh how you make the guys go wow, wow, wow

Sway it hula girl, sway it all around,
Sway it side to side, then you dip way down
Hold your head up high, as you reach for the sky
As you sway side to side hula girl.

Do the hula kui and the cha cha cha
The slow ami oni e,
Le le uwehi for me if you please,
What you do with those knees,
Could cause a tropical breeze

I feel like a big fake.

Today is one of those days whereby I wish myself alone, on one of those green fields, free to scream and bawl as I like. I wish I could stomp my feet wildly, jumping up and down, without the speculative or pitying stares of those around me.

In fact, I am alone. Alone, in a room surrounded by people. Then... the sad truth struck me. I just don't belong anymore. Or maybe I never did.

Life Sucks.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."
– Charles Dicken

Charles has spoken for me and countless others, i am sure.

I will have to start planting mine someday (soon).

It's hours away from my flight to India. A trip for 2 weeks. Freedom from work. An exciting journey lies ahead and I have been looking forward to this trip for the longest time ever. Yet, as i sit here waiting for time to pass, things seem surreal. It has always been this way. Perhaps, I need to be on the plane... touch ground on the Land of Curry (as my colleague calls it) before I can truly feel that it's the start of a true vacation.

I hope this trip turns out well and all of us (on the journey and those at home) stay safe.  

Know that i love you guys! (kisses)

Do you have a pandora box? I do.

Today, i found a pandora box. In my pandora box, i found many wonderful landscapes. I found a fantasy world. I found a beautiful, carefree her. I found a youthful, happy him. I found bittersweetness. I found sunshine. I found a dream. I found love.  

And then, tears found me.  

This post is about the English language.

In Singapore, the English language that we have been taught since young is British style but most Singaporeans are no stranger to American's English because we are hugely influenced by the West with the books we read and songs that we listen to.

Although I am required to stick strictly to UK English during my daily course of work, it can be confusing at times, as i mix up words between UK style and American style. The American style is more casual and well... simply, simpler to use.

With that in mind, I am more than happy to oblige with the urging of Singapore former Prime Minister, Mr. Lee, to embrace the American English!

Yesterday, a bomb in a suitcase exploded at the New Delhi High Court. I recieved multiple (by multiple, i meant above 10 of same alert) messages from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I have registered with the Ministry a few weeks ago, during the preparation of my impending trip to India. Although such acts of violence are quite common, especially (in recent days) in countries like India and Pakistan, I cannot help my worrisome mind wandering. Should I write a will before i go on my trip, just in case unforeseen circumstances happen?

I hate how my mind wanders at times. Many words come to mind, when I think of myself in such aspect and the terms are not nice. Who would like to be stupidly idealistic, naive or desperate? At times, i feel like a fool for i think too much, fantasize too much. An unexpected& nbsp;phone call set me fantasizing today. And just in case you wondered, no. I wasn't given any reason to fantasize, yet. I did.  

I wish i stop being that silly girl who never learns.

I suspect that i might be a talkative person after all. But not in a vocal way. I'm talkative in my own way and I love the flow of words, particularly when it's written (or in this case, typed). Today, a sudden influx of distorted thoughts flood my unsuspecting mind. While i have grown used to mental block, this diarrhea syndrome of endless thoughts just well, gave me a headache and lots to write. So bear with me, while i sort out some, dispense others... :)

In this post, i would like to share a song which i have fallen in love with, due to its melody. The lyrics are sad, but often true in real life situation. I have not been in such a situation before (even if i had been, i might not know) and i hope never having to experience this. In any case, this song is dedicated to all whom are trying to let go of love that are not meant to be.

Be strong, it might be a long fall back to earth. It might be a excruciating climb back from hell. It might be a nasty nightmare having to wake from your once beautiful dream... and Time might not be able to heal.. but, you will feel better as time goes by.

Jars of Heart by Christina Perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?
 

You may be amazed to learn that in some countryside areas of China (or perhaps other third world countries), people typically still favor sons over daughters. I am currently reading a book named “Miss Chopsticks” by Xinran. The title of this book amuses me and yet at the same time, makes me feel indignant. Well, the title “Miss Chopsticks” derives from the common saying (in countryside) that females are akin to chopsticks, which are known to be utilitarian, disposable and easily broken. Men, on the other hand, are the strong rafters that hold up the roof of a house.

Growing up in the metropolitan city of Singapore (recently awarded 2nd place in global competitiveness), I count my blessings to be educated and groomed in an open-minded (to a certain extent) society that recognizes gender equality. Many people said Singapore women are too independent and strong-minded. Perhaps that is true, but what’s wrong with having the ability to take care of oneself?

Self-worth is important. Never belittle yourself for we are all unique individuals and masters of our own.

Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy.
Wayne Dyer

Synopsis Link to Miss Chopsticks: http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Chopsticks-Xinra n/dp/0701180412" title="http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Chopsticks-Xinra n/dp/0701180412" target="_blank"http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Ch...

You may be surprised to know... over here in Singapore, we celebrate many festivals throughout the year and one can say that our tiny nation celebrates the most festivals within the Asia region!

Today marks the last day of the Hungry Ghost Festival. This is a traditional Chinese Festival and it takes place at every 7th lunar month. This is the month where wandering spirits as well as decreased ancestors are released from the lower realms to return to earth. Many of us will pay homage and offerings during the 1st, 15th and last day of the 7th lunar month. Activities include the preparing of ritualistic food offerings, burning incense, joss paper, papier-mâché form of material items such as clothes, gold and other fine goods for the visiting spirits.

 

Besides making offerings, stage performances commnonly known as "Ge Tai" are held in urban neighbourhood areas. One will notice that beyond the many rows of seats placed in front of the stage, the first row will always be left empty. This is because the performances are actually meant for our decreased ancestors as well as wandering spirits that we named as "hao xiong di" ("good brothers"). ?If you happen to be travelling to Singapore during this period and gets the chance to attend a Ge Tai, DO NOT EVER SIT IN THE FRONT ROW!

After today, we shall look forward to the Mid-Autumn Festival, also known as Lantern Festival (by children). And I shall talk more about that in my upcoming entry.  

Hey peeps, how's it going? I suddenly have the urge to blog, but despite all the thoughts that are swimming in my mind, i have no idea how to pen it down. Another year seems to be passing me so quickly (too quickly), and well, im still here, standing at a point that seems permanent. That does not sounds right... does it?

In about a month's time, i will be embarking on my long-awaited trip to India. India has always been on my travel wish list and I am happy that I soon have the chance to fufill that tiny dream. Although i am looking forward to my trip, i guess i still feel the same as i always do. Reserved, that is. I think i will probably finally realise that the trip is for real when im on the plane and i hope all goes well for this trip.

Today, I met up with my India tour operator (he's in town for the natas) and it was really good to catch up. Somewhere along our smooth-flowing conversation, the term "like-minded individuals" come to mind. I guess he's right when he said that its not easy to get out of the travel industry once you had a taste for it. I miss the travel industry (despite all my grievances) and i miss this kinda "clicking" with people whom i can communicate easily. It's like... comfortable, a kind of familiarity. Am i even making sense? haha, anyway, i am really glad how things work out in this matter and that i manage to find a good operator. Guess im banking on my past merits again.

i must start doing more good to accumulate for future use. ;)

Finally, the clock strikes 12. It has been a long day, one which i would rather not repeat. I once read an article that said that our reactions to certain matter will spin off other matters and how things turn out in the end are very much the results of our thoughts. With that in mind, i always try to keep a positive thinking after something bad happens.

Last night, i did something silly. I know i shouldnt give in to my urge but where did my mind go? I have no idea. I suffer the repercussions today with every call that vibrates from morning till noon. Everytime that name comes up, it feels like my heart has been doing a 100m race or something faster. It has been a weird day. According to the almanac, today is a bad-luck day for me. Surprisingly, it was true. Or is it because i believed it to be true and that set off the series of unfortunate events? But if i look on the bright side, there are things to rejoice. Amid disappointing news from a friend, at least we had that conversation. While i keep losing concentration at work, i did get through the day. Although i lost love, i have the company of great friends. Although i cried in the train again, it shows im not constrainted by the society or their 2cents worth opinions. Although i fell down and managed to put a big hole in my knees (with immense pain), at least i can still walk home.

I dont know how it is so easy for some people to breeze through life. I dont understand how certain people can move on with life so easily but they are the blessed ones. I dont know why the thought of giving up something that is non existent can make me tear endlessly. This made me feels damned useless. But, life goes on, or ... doesnt it?

Love is a promise,
love is a souvenir,
once given never forgotten,

Hey peeps. How's everything going? I just finished reading a book and i must say it has been a very long time that a story can touched me such that I cried every other pages. 'Souvenir' by Theresa Fowler is a story of love and giving. Below is a synopsis of the book:

An unforgettable story, a searing yet redemptive drama that illuminates the possiblity of second chances, the naive choices of youth, the tensions within families, and the transforming power of love.

Meg Powell and Carson McKay were raised side by side on their families’ farms, bonded by a love that only deepened as they grew. Everyone in their small rural community in northern Florida thought that Meg and Carson would always be together. But at twenty-one, Meg was presented with a marriage proposal she could not refuse, forever changing the course of her life.

Seventeen years later, Meg’s marriage has become routine, and she spends her time juggling the demands of her medical practice, the needs of her widowed father, and the whims of her rebellious teenage daughter, Savannah, who is confronting her burgeoning sexuality in a dangerous manner and pushing her mother away just when she needs her most. Then, after a long absence, Carson returns home to prepare for his wedding to a younger woman. As Carson struggles to determine where his heart and future lie, Meg makes a shocking discovery that will upset the balance of everyone around her.

You may find more information on the book here: http://theresefowler.com/the-books/souvenir/" title="http://theresefowler.com/the-books/souvenir/" target="_blank"http://theresefowler.com/the-...

Sometimes, i have no words. Other times, i have too many words. Much as i suspected from before, i live to the extreme. I bob my way from emotion-less to emotional and i lost myself.

Trapped in moments, and this is one of them.

So, perhaps, i can share some pictures that speak better than i do.

 
Feeling and looking like barbie over her hey-days.

 
A naked back always struck me as vulnerable... some think of it as beauty. For me, just memories and we are should be fortunate enough to be able to put 'whateve r' behind our back.

Something that i like and missed doing. Somehow, doing this always give me a strange sense of inner peace, and sometimes, joy slowly treads on (even if its transient).

Not living, just watching. Observing. Caught in a moment.
But there are places i wanna go too. There's a place i really wanna go.

Feeling ridiculously unridiculous.

 
Lost in dreams.

When death hits us close, we are always struck by how fragile life is. No matter how many times it happen, one do not get used to it. Or perhaps, it's just me.

I knew a friend. I may not know how he looked like or what's his real name. But i know him as my friend. We didnt know each other for every long, but then, it doesnt take much or long when 2 of the same wavelength clicks. I just got news that this friend, whom we shared words and photos passed away a couple of days ago.

It doesnt matter all the things that we know not about each other. You touched me with your great sense of humour and vitality for life. Thank you for being a wonderful person and i thank god for letting me know you, even if it is for a short time. Rest in peace, my friend. You will be remembered.

@bluemoonpalace.