I can't remember if i mentioned this before, but i have been religiously soaking up articles by this uk writer/philosopher - Gary Hayden cause I really like his works. Anyway, in a 1st ever milestone for me - i sent him an email to express my plain old appreciation. :) Good works should be voiced out! 

"The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough."
Rabindranath Tagore



We should all grab hold of opportunities when the "moment" strikes. Otherwise, the "moment" and all opportunities shall be gone forever. Today, Princess reminded me that we once have a beautiful dream together. Yet, as time goes by - the sentiments for fulfilling that dream no longer seem vital as before. We have changed, we all remain the same. I do not rule out the possibility though, that we can create new dreams and fufill them together.  

Be still, my fluttering heart!
Distracted, uncertain and tempted;
a world of heart’s desires and abundant interests beckon.

Which way should I go? What should I do?
Doubts, worries, hesitation;
invisible chains hold me captive – mind, body and soul.

Amid my wavering belief, a million landscapes await my arrival.
But, I cannot help but to wonder;
where lies my final destination? 

^On random thoughts that twirls my mind.

In recent years, i have taken a liking to non-fiction books. These books tend to give me greater knowledge on the world that revolves around me. Of course, fictitious stories are fun too, especially when im in the mood to relax.. but i have to say, the real thing for me is non-fiction.

Anyway, I recently finished a book titled "Hotel K" written by Kathryn Bonella. Hotel K actually refers to Kerobokan Jail in Bali, Indonesia and this book reveals a bizzare world within the cells. Indeed, the shocking stories - consisting of sex, crimes, terrorism, drugs (always drugs) are beyond one's imagination and it seems that "money can makes the world go round" in this part of the world. Coming from Singapore, a city with supposedly low corruption and crime rate, its really hard to imagine how convicts in Hotel K can escape with lighter sentences, as long as they have money. On the other hand, the author portray some of the convicts to be so charming and not really that bad in nature.

Excerpt:
"I dont do anything wrong to anybody. I am not criminal, I am a normal person and I do business. I dont force anyone to take drugs. And if somebody has never used drugs, he can never get them for the first time from my hand. It's a normal business. They should make it legal, they should make it fucking cheap, so there is no criminal, so people can go in shop and buy it. It is bullshit actually.

I never do anything criminal. I came this way. You never know in your life where it is going, maybe you do this way, and you start a business, you dont think anything bad, or anything criminal. You just want to make some money; okay, you do something." Prisoner, Thomas

What's really right and wrong? Sometimes... i do question that.

Do, or do not. There is no try!

时间过的很快，但� ��有些人与事停顿� �我无法到达的空间 。只有遗憾，愧疚� ��祝福。
Time flies, yet certain facts would never change. Guilt, regrets and my best wishes.. all but consumed me.

For a while back, words were lost in me. Call it a mental block, or simply a lack of inspiration and new happennings in my life, but i just didnt have the mood or right words. My life and my mind were blank pieces of paper.

Nonetheless, there's always someone who can invoke emotions (such as those of matrix) in me. It's been so long, yet you never failed to put me into a frenzy... These inexplicable feelings often give way to words of depth and at times, a beauty only some can understand. So... thank you.



Time flies....It's that time of the year again. Just 2 more days... You say it will not be a good day for you. I wondered if you remembered. And it seems, for once... you do.

Adrenaline pumping
Blood pulsing
Heat in face
Head racing
Sizzling nerves
Trying to catch breath – breathe in breathe out

Time to get a grip.

15:23hours Singapore (GMT+8)

The world seems to be calling my name... Do you hear it?

In recent months, I have taken an interest to reading articles by Gary Hayden, a philosophy and science writer. He writes for the “Living” column in The Strait Times’ Mind Your Body section. His style of writing and the way he presents his ideas are thought provoking. Many a times, I find these ideas (sometimes eccentric to others) something that I can relate to.

Today, he mentioned about “Misanthrope” . Misanthrope is a person who dislikes or distrusts other people in mankind and in general. To be honest, I have been trying to be / act like a misanthrope (despite my sweet nature – ok, friends, don’t puke!) for the longest time ever but it seldom works that way.

So, what makes people misanthropic? According to Hayden, people are complex creatures, which lead inevitability to the many and varied reasons why people grow to dislike and distrust others. 

I totally agree with this and there really are many reasons, not all of which are attributed by others. On the contrary, the problem very much lies with me, myself and I. It could be due to a lack of self-confidence. For example, the belief that happiness eludes someone like me (actually, I’m not really that unhappy – I’m probably just unsure of what I want) makes me petty and at times, disgruntled with the fact that happy people have the audacity to exist! Ain’t that awful? And that’s just one petty and unreasonable reason among many, yet I indulge happily in being misanthropic (when circumstances allow me to do so). 

Anyway, Hayden also quoted one interesting and plausible explanation of the misanthropic temperament from the Greek philosopher, Plato: “Misanthropy develops when without art (that is, naively) one puts complete trust in somebody thinking the man absolutely true, sound and reliable and then a little later discovers him to be bad and unreliable… and when it happens to someone often… he ends up… hating everyone.” Hayden and Plato are both right… “the misanthrope falls victim to his own unrealistic expectations about how other people can be expected to behave”.  

How true… right? Expectations often lead to disappointment. This is a lesson that I forget at times. PS: don’t worry – I do not really hate you so.

For more info on Gary Hadyen, do check out: www.garyhayden.co.uk/

It may be a known fact but when certain truth explodes in your face, the reality is often mind-numbing. Bad news from a close friend brings a sense of dismal. A marriage that has meet its due, a stray lover and romance that has expired... If even an outsider like me could feel that tinge of sadness and disappointment, I can hardly imagine the pain that my friend is going through now.

When romance fades, what is left in place?

Morbid thoughts (or should i say senseless?) plague me.
I exist in a hazy state of mind.
I cannot help but to wonder... can one die of lethargy?
Fatigue envelops me like a cloak...

(Sighs) I wish im back in bed, snuggling under covers now.

So, I forgot about pain. Time can do that to people. I was elated when I found a cabinet full of almost new shoes that I have forgotten about. In my excitement, I forgot why I banished them to the cool, dark shoe rack until I tried wearing a pair of heels to work today. 

Looking dark and lethal on me, I felt the image portrayed is that of a dark princess. It worked. For 5 minutes. Then I was limping and wondering how did I ever forget that this pair of shoes is as lethal as it looks! 

In that moment, I wondered. Perhaps physical pain is fleeting but emotional pain seems eternal. For after all that emotions turmoil that one goes through, you never forget. Not even when the pain is gone. And that, is the power of the unseen.

Quiet naggings chattered on in the background... "What are you doing here?" There's this naggy voice echoing in my head, popping up when I least expected. Just saw news of yet another natural disaster somewhere in the world... restlessness fidgets from within me. Sometimes, I really wonder...

Just received news regarding the demise of North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il. Ignorant of global affairs (the world is so huge!) and often lost in my own world, my interest on this (nuclear) power-seeking nation was piqued after reading the non-fiction book, "Nothing to Envy" by Barabara Demick.

The book was written based on several interviews with refugees from North Korea and presented an unimaginable landscape that gave its readers food for thought. There were many controversies and it would be accurate to say that this is a very sensitive domestic issue (that can duly affect the world).

In any ways, the death of Mr. Kim Yong Il brings several questions to mind. Who would be the next leader and could this be the start of a revolution for North Korea? Perhaps families can finally reunite after decades (since the Korean War). For better or worst, I hope this marks a better future for the Koreans.

Discomfort that plagued me for the whole morning had me popping 2 pills easily. From someone who used to dislike visiting the doc (even when im sick) and not taking medicine (even after visiting the doc at rare occasions), pill popping has become a regime for me.

I guess this is something that you taught me well.

Rambling....

A couple of weeks ago, my colleague told me something which struck me. She was preparing for a friend's wedding dinner and i could see her making a real effort in her dressing. She told me "dressing up is a form of respect to the couple". Yes, i think i have forgotten that, in my earnest spirit to avoid weddings (as best or whenever i could).

That being said, i attended an old school friend's wedding last night. For once (in a very long time since donkey ages) i took more effort in my appearance. It feels kinda weird, to be among old friends, some of whom we never meet since graduating from school and some of whom we only meet once in a blue moon at such wedding events. Yes, we have all grown. 1/2 of my classmates have already progressed to the next stage of their life and of course, it does intimidate people who are not ready yet (like me!).

Nontheless, i have to say my dear lucky star, dear friend looks ravishing on her wedding day. She's (WOW) beautiful. :) and i am sincerely happy for this couple. Maybe sometimes fairytale does comes true.

I wish the couple eternal bliss, love and harmony.

“A wealthy person is simply one who has more than he needs.” 

I came across the above quote while doing research for work and I really like it. The way that this quote was put across kinda lights up a bulb in people (or maybe it’s just me) but hey! Guess what? I’m a wealthy woman. 

I think I have more than what I need. Of course, I barely have enough of what I WANT but still, I’ll survive.  The thin line between Needs and Wants has always plague me and I constantly have to remind myself that most of what I come across and desire are simply “wants”. 

If a genie would grant you a million stars VS  a moon…which would you choose? Would you hesitate?

Addiction is a powerful chemical. It seeps into you silently and has the tendency to sneak up and rear it ugly head at you when you least expect. I remember when i got my first iphone last January. It was not the first choice i had in mind, but for some reasons or other, that's the phone i ended up with.

I fell in love with my iphone over time and i am not aware when it happened, but the addiction to my phone had me glued to it 24/7. Games and applications are a part of my daily routine. My favorite things to do were to take pictures on the iphone and write down my inner thoughts or feelings whenever inspiration strike.

Today though, all that are gone. I was at the Phuket Airport on my way back to Singapore and I dropped my phone at the baggage scanning machine. I'm pretty sure the staff took it, but they denied seeing such a phone. The most absurd thing is that there are no police or authorized staff in the entire airport that can make a lost report, one have to travel 15km away from the airport to file such a report with the local police. WHAT A JOKE, (although it was a cruel one).

I didnt, of course. BUT, that's not the point. The thing is, i feel this addiction now and i am having withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps the over-reliance on the phone is unhealthy and i can take the time now to relax, see back and enjoy life the basic way.

I hate to admit though, im feeling terribly discconected.  

Recently, there's a Taiwanese movie that is making a big hit in Asia. "You are the apple of my eyes" depicts a romance flick about a man's bittersweet memories of how he and his friends used to be in love and chasing after the same girl during their adolescence years.

What i really love about this movie is how funny and natural it was portrayed. A lot of friends told me that watching this movie brings back fond memories that they can relate to. For me, i supposed it was very entertaining. I tried to search for that kinda sentimental "feeling" but i guess it's just lost. But there was a scene when the male lead in a heroic act gave his textbook to the female lead and got punished instead. That reminded me of some memories... yes, we have all been very young.

Mayhaps we were once the apple of somebody's eye. Perhaps we once see someone as our apple. Even if it didnt worked out in the end, at least we have the memories. :)

I came across a song by Lisa Ono - "Sway it Hula Girl" from www.urbranmofo.com. I didn't realised it was by the bossa nova queen, Lisa Ono, until I asked the website owner. This song gives me the shivers. I like it but at the same time, it reminds me of time that i spent in my shop (that&n bsp;8 months). I used to play Lisa Ono's music in my shop and well, her style are mostly similiar. It brings back interesting memories. :)

Love the song. 

Sway It Hula Girl

Sway it hula girl, sway it all around,
Sway it side to side, then you dip way down
Hold your head up high, as you reach for the sky
As you sway side to side hula girl.

I have seen you dance, a long time ago,
To my favorite songs, so graceful as low
Every movement you make is an artist's delight,
As you paint your songs to your dance

Do the hula kui and the cha cha cha
The slow ami oni e,
Glide like the gulls over the Ko'olau
Oh how you make the guys go wow, wow, wow

Sway it hula girl, sway it all around,
Sway it side to side, then you dip way down
Hold your head up high, as you reach for the sky
As you sway side to side hula girl.

Do the hula kui and the cha cha cha
The slow ami oni e,
Le le uwehi for me if you please,
What you do with those knees,
Could cause a tropical breeze

I feel like a big fake.

Today is one of those days whereby I wish myself alone, on one of those green fields, free to scream and bawl as I like. I wish I could stomp my feet wildly, jumping up and down, without the speculative or pitying stares of those around me.

In fact, I am alone. Alone, in a room surrounded by people. Then... the sad truth struck me. I just don't belong anymore. Or maybe I never did.

Life Sucks.